Surprise! Here’s a triple-XXX, no-budget, Hardcore Horror comedy from cult maverick Ray Dennis Steckler (hiding under his Sinthia, The Devil Doll nom de plume, "Sven Christian".)
Mad Love Life of a Hot Vampire stars Jim Parker, a real-life Las Vegas TV horror host who, as "The Vegas Vampire," hosted the Saturday night Creature Features on KVVU Channel 5 from the mid-60s to the mid-70s. Here he’s a cornball Count Dracula who emerges from his coffin, tweaks the titties of his long-fanged vampire babes (one of whom has trouble not laughing) and urges then to love each other ("Bend over, forward, and backward, all of you and your entire parts!") as his gooney, Dwight Frye-faced servant furiously whacks away. This guy's so crazed, and his expressions so hilarious, that he looks like the ultimate Something Weird customer!)
Drac then sends his women out to get blood: "Fill this vial with blood. Vile Blood. Not Liver bile, but vile blood." (Yes. He says that.) Rendezvousing with their victims, the undead dolls first get plowed in two extremely lengthy sex scenes before delivering one of Steckler's sickest punchlines yet: gnawing on the screaming guys' bloody peckers with their plastic vampire fangs - an excruciating scene that must have sent porno patrons diving for the exits! Meanwhile, a rotund Van Helsing visits Bill and his blonde girlfriend, Janet, who has an amazing gigantic hairdo. Bill's sister is one of Dracula's babes and attacks Janet while she's taking a pee-pee on the toilet. (No, this ain't exactly Hammer.) Finding the vampire's lair, Van Helsing promptly chases Drac into the sunlight where he quickly vanishes, leaving only his cape for the sobbing servant to blow his nose in.
All of which is punctuated with bulletins from the sultry CAROLYN BRANDT: "Dracula is grooooovy!”
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